Just cropdusted the office
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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