we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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