Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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