So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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