When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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