his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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