I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
