Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
