Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
