She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
