Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I could fuck to npr.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
