After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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