please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
