i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
