so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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