i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
