Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
