He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
