oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
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