I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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