Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
