Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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