i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
