It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
