got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
