I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
