remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
