listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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