sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
