Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
