wake up i wanna do it froggy style
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
