Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
