"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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