You can't motorboat a personality
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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