like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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