I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
