so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
