I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
