Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You have to summon your inner elephant
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
