those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
