I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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