he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
