woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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