After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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