Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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