I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
