I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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