I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Randomize
