well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Be still, my beating vagina.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
