Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Randomize
